Sep 132007

The following is a satirical piece regarding the APEC saga last week. I’m considering whether I put it in vodcast form on YouTube for our dear PM — but for now, I’ll just put the transcript up.

Well, it seems Sydney drew the short straw, and thus got the joy of almost completely shutting down while some high-brow politicians go gather to discuss trade and other issues. All this, whilst at the same time dealing with a betting industry which is sounding rather hoarse at the moment. Well, what do you expect when they shut the stable doors after the horse-flu bolted?

I must admit, I’m glad I live in Brisbane… 1000km away from all the hassles. We’re largely insulated from all the hassles playing out down south. That said, the local media has been doing a good job of letting us know what’s been happening down there.  It as been interesting to see what these politicians bring with them in their travels. Most of us, when we go abroad, we bring clothing, whatever papers, etc we need… in general, we’re careful to not pack too much. Not the United States of America it seems. The US President turned up with a 800-strong entourage.

Here’s hoping he didn’t forget the kitchen sink. The strategic placement of one rather large bird over at Brisbane Airport was genius too — I mean, have you ever tried to get up the Pacific Motorway in a hurry? If WW3 came knocking, it’d be at least a day before they’d get over the border — then there’s the Gateway Motorway traffic to contend with. They’d be sitting ducks stuck in one of Brisbane’s most prestigious parking lots.

George Bush is off to a great start, right in the opening speech, he welcomes everyone to the OPEC meeting. Well, it’s good to see that Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL) hasn’t been far from a certain president’s mind. For a world leader though, it’s a shame he didn’t pay more attention to his geography teacher at school. Do I look like an Austrian to you? Hmmm?

Osama Bin Ladin … apparentlyThe Chaser’s APEC passes — an obvious fakeSecurity has been tight though… I mean really tight. The only people allowed through are those dressed up like Osama Bin Ladin, or those carrying a Chaser’s War on Everything “Insecurity” pass with “Joke” written on it. No terrorist could possibly penetrate this iron-clad wall of security.   (Image source & credit: News Corp.)

It was rather amusing too, to see the cast of “The Chaser” get a dose of their own medicine too. Indeed, the shoe was on the other foot. They should indeed consider renaming the show, “The Chasee’s War on Everything” — at least while the courts decide their fate.

As far as breeching security is concerned, either someone in charge of the gates doesn’t quite understand what “joke” means, or they mis-interpreted the number of barks emitted by their guide dogs. If they let through something as blatantly suspect as they did, then I’m afraid they’ve only got themselves to blame. But it seems security is everyone’s problem, and everyone is at fault when it falls down. Unfortunately for the NSW Police, it’s done little other than make them look like fools — and their present attacks only make the hole deeper.

If it’s one thing we can learn from this whole experience, it’s this: don’t go hosting such highly sensitive events in the middle of a busy city. Seriously guys, go somewhere rural where you’ll be miles away from any trouble, and you’re not going to be a right pain in the arse to millions of people. Of course, this would just be common sense, and we all know just how common that is these days.