Oct 172008

Here’s some humourous food for thought.  Those of you in front of a Linux/Unix system, install fortune-mod and have a squiz at /usr/share/fortune/law — or just view this file that I have compiled.  Looking around, I found some more from elsewhere.

After you’ve stopped laughing… a query… How many of these laws are actually true?  I’m curious to know.

One theory that was proposed to me, is that there may not be a law as such prohibiting some act mentioned, but that someone was charged whilst doing an act mentioned in that document.  (e.g. shooting off a policeman’s tie… shoot anywhere near a policeman, and I’ll bet you’ll get busted!)

So, a query… how many of these are urban myth, and how many are actual laws?  And what law enforcement agency would have the audacity to enforce them?

Sep 292008

Well, today I was in town… getting some bits and pieces I’d need for my final year project at university.  Among those things I needed, was a bottle of acetone, so I could clean off the etch-resistant ink used in the PCB making process.

I popped into the hardware store, and quickly located what I was after… but as I was grabbing it, I immediately noticed the following.

Acetone suggested uses and warning messages.

Acetone suggested uses and warning messages. (click to enlarge)

Yep, that’s right… they recommend its use as a nail polish remover… but then (wisely) advise to avoid skin contact.  Yep… that’s well thought out.  Guess I’ll just detach the nails from my hands before I set to work. 😉

Jun 132008

The following is an email I just received via the Department of Defence.
Enjoy. 🙂  (Update: It has been revealed by a commenter to this post, that the transcript below is a hoax.  Cheers for the info.)

For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an ‘Australian treasure!’

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You’ll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children… Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We’re going to teach t hem climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Clearly a certain General didn’t read the part of the ACMA rules that state you should not use language that would offend a reasonable person. 😉 But very succinct nonetheless.

Nov 262007

Tony Abbott has become opposition leader and is now announcing his front bench. We cross now to Parliament House in Canberra…

Abbott: Welcome everyone. As newly appointed opposition leader, I have decided on the following people for my front bench. I have chosen, Who for Shadow Treasurer, What for Shadow Industrial Relations Minister, and No Idea for Shadow Environment Minister.
Rudd: It’s nice to see we have new leadership in the opposition, but working families would like to know who the shadow ministry is.
Abbott: Well, as I’ve just told you, we have Who for Shadow Treasurer, What for Shadow Industrial Relations Minister, and No Idea for Shadow Environment Minister.
Rudd:I’m sure you’re a very clever politician, but the bottom line is this … Who is Shadow Treasurer?
Abbott: That’s correct
Rudd: Pardon?
Abbott: Who is the Shadow Treasurer.
Rudd: On the question of Shadow Treasurer, working families would dearly like to know who is in this role.
Abbott: Yes, Who IS the Shadow Treasurer.
Rudd: Okay, if the opposition leader wishes to get hairy-chested about telling us the Shadow Treasurer, perhaps he’d like to answer another question. Who is the Industrial Relations minister?
Abbott: No, Who is the Shadow Treasurer.
Rudd: Not Interested in the Shadow Treasurer…
Abbott: No no no, Not Interested is our Shadow Foreign Affairs minister.
Rudd: … Right, so who takes the position of Shadow Defense minister then?
Abbott: Why do you insist on taking Who away from Shadow Treasurer?
Rudd: I’m not trying to take anyone out of any role — in due season, we’d all like to know who the opposition front bench is. Okay, let’s go role-by-role here. Please tell us who you have selected for these roles. Shadow Treasurer…
Abbott: Who
Rudd: Sorry?
Abbott: Who is our Shadow Treasurer.
Rudd: That’s what I’m asking you. Never mind we’ll come back to that… Shadow Industrial Relations minister?
Abbott: What
Rudd: Who is the Shadow Industrial Relations minister?
Abbott: What
Rudd: Is this microphone working or has the Opposition Leader gone deaf?
Abbott: I can hear you fine. I’m telling you our Shadow Industrial Relations minister is What.
Rudd: (sighs) Okay, Shadow Environment minister?
Abbott: No Idea
Rudd: You don’t know?
Abbott: Yes, I do know…
Rudd: You’ve lost touch with your own party?
Abbott: …No, No Idea is our Shadow Environment minister.
Rudd: Fine, how about Shadow Communications minister?
Abbott: Tomorrow
Rudd: What’s wrong with today?
Abbott: No, we put Today on the backbench
Rudd: I’m sorry, I don’t follow.
Abbott: Today used to have the role of Health minister but after the reshuffle following the election, we have placed him on the back bench.
Rudd: Well it seems we’ve come to a fork in the road. My challenge to the Opposition Leader is this… It’s time to end the blame game, and decide who you wish to select for your front bench.

(Thanks go to Abbott & Costello for writing the Who’s On First skit that this is based on, and to the Liberals for collating a useful table of Rudd quotes.)

Nov 062007
Received: (qmail 4980 invoked from network); 6 Nov 2007 03:19:25 -0000
Received: from mail.dsrw.org (
    by www.longlandclan.hopto.org with SMTP; 6 Nov 2007 03:19:25 -0000
Received: by mail.dsrw.org (Postfix)
    id A5E1A13230; Mon,  5 Nov 2007 21:20:05 -0600 (CST)
Date: Mon,  5 Nov 2007 21:20:05 -0600 (CST)
From: MAILER-DAEMON@mail.dsrw.org (Mail Delivery System)
Subject: Undelivered Mail Returned to Sender
To: me @longlandclan.hopto.org
Auto-Submitted: auto-replied
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/report; report-type=delivery-status;
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Message-Id: <20071106032005.A5E1A13230@mail.dsrw.org>

This is a MIME-encapsulated message.

Content-Description: Notification
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

This is the mail system at host mail.dsrw.org.

I'm sorry to have to inform you that your message could not
be delivered to one or more recipients. It's attached below.

For further assistance, please send mail to postmaster.

If you do so, please include this problem report. You can
delete your own text from the attached returned message.

The mail system

< someone @gmail.com>: User unknown in virtual alias table

Content-Description: Delivery report
Content-Type: message/delivery-status

Reporting-MTA: dns; mail.dsrw.org
X-Postfix-Queue-ID: 3756B13A92
X-Postfix-Sender: rfc822; me @longlandclan.hopto.org
Arrival-Date: Mon,  5 Nov 2007 20:53:33 -0600 (CST)

Final-Recipient: rfc822; someone @gmail.com
Original-Recipient: rfc822; someone @gmail.com
Action: failed
Status: 5.0.0
Diagnostic-Code: X-Postfix; User unknown in virtual alias table

Content-Description: Undelivered Message
Content-Type: message/rfc822
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit

Received: from spam.dsrw.org (spam.dsrw.org [])
    by mail.dsrw.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3756B13A92
    for < someone @gmail.com>; Mon,  5 Nov 2007 20:53:33 -0600 (CST)
X-Scanned-By: amavisd-new at dsrw.org
Received: from mail.dsrw.org ([])
    by spam.dsrw.org (spam.dsrw.org []) (amavisd-new, port 10024)
    with ESMTP id gPXXmSrEI3v7 for < someone @gmail.com>;
    Mon,  5 Nov 2007 20:52:54 -0600 (CST)
Received: from [] (elektra.vpn.dsrw.org [])
    by mail.dsrw.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id A9C9013B49
    for < someone @gmail.com>; Mon,  5 Nov 2007 20:53:17 -0600 (CST)
Received: from pop-7.iastate.edu (pop-7.iastate.edu [])
    by pop-2.iastate.edu (8.12.0/8.12.0) with ESMTP id h4JENZ87005617
    for < someone @pop-2.iastate.edu>; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:23:35 -0500
Received: from devirus-1.iastate.edu (devirus-1.iastate.edu [])
    by pop-7.iastate.edu (8.12.0/8.12.0) with SMTP id h4JENaDN012327
    for < someone @iastate.edu>; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:23:36 -0500
Received: from despam-1.iastate.edu( by devirus-1.iastate.edu via csmap
    id 8818; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:23:54 -0500 (CDT)
Received: from murphy.debian.org (murphy.debian.org [])
    by despam-1.iastate.edu (8.12.4/8.12.4) with ESMTP id h4JENWtX016165
    for < someone @iastate.edu>; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:23:33 -0500
Received: from localhost (localhost [])
    by murphy.debian.org (Postfix) with QMQP
    id 89F821FAB4; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:20:37 -0500 (CDT)
Old-Return-Path: < me @longlandclan.hopto.org>
Received: from longlandclan.hopto.org (unknown [])
    by murphy.debian.org (Postfix) with SMTP id 410B01F581
    for <debian>; Mon, 19 May 2003 09:02:01 -0500 (CDT)
Received: (qmail 975 invoked from network); 19 May 2003 14:01:58 -0000
Received: from unknown (HELO longlandclan.hopto.org) (
    by with SMTP; 19 May 2003 14:01:58 -0000
Message-ID: <3EC8E3D5.6000304@longlandclan.hopto.org>
Date: Tue, 20 May 2003 00:01:57 +1000
From: Stuart Longland < me @longlandclan.hopto.org>

Yaay for timely bounce messages. Let’s see now… sent 20th May 2003, received 6th November, 2007… That is over 4 years and 5 months, for a bounce message. What are they using for an internet connection, RFC1149??  This is back in the days when I ran Debian/MIPS on my Indy, prior to me trying Gentoo.  And back in the days when my internal network used the CIDR (I now use for my boxes).

Sep 132007

The following is a satirical piece regarding the APEC saga last week. I’m considering whether I put it in vodcast form on YouTube for our dear PM — but for now, I’ll just put the transcript up.

Well, it seems Sydney drew the short straw, and thus got the joy of almost completely shutting down while some high-brow politicians go gather to discuss trade and other issues. All this, whilst at the same time dealing with a betting industry which is sounding rather hoarse at the moment. Well, what do you expect when they shut the stable doors after the horse-flu bolted?

I must admit, I’m glad I live in Brisbane… 1000km away from all the hassles. We’re largely insulated from all the hassles playing out down south. That said, the local media has been doing a good job of letting us know what’s been happening down there.  It as been interesting to see what these politicians bring with them in their travels. Most of us, when we go abroad, we bring clothing, whatever papers, etc we need… in general, we’re careful to not pack too much. Not the United States of America it seems. The US President turned up with a 800-strong entourage.

Here’s hoping he didn’t forget the kitchen sink. The strategic placement of one rather large bird over at Brisbane Airport was genius too — I mean, have you ever tried to get up the Pacific Motorway in a hurry? If WW3 came knocking, it’d be at least a day before they’d get over the border — then there’s the Gateway Motorway traffic to contend with. They’d be sitting ducks stuck in one of Brisbane’s most prestigious parking lots.

George Bush is off to a great start, right in the opening speech, he welcomes everyone to the OPEC meeting. Well, it’s good to see that Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL) hasn’t been far from a certain president’s mind. For a world leader though, it’s a shame he didn’t pay more attention to his geography teacher at school. Do I look like an Austrian to you? Hmmm?

Osama Bin Ladin … apparentlyThe Chaser’s APEC passes — an obvious fakeSecurity has been tight though… I mean really tight. The only people allowed through are those dressed up like Osama Bin Ladin, or those carrying a Chaser’s War on Everything “Insecurity” pass with “Joke” written on it. No terrorist could possibly penetrate this iron-clad wall of security.   (Image source & credit: News Corp.)

It was rather amusing too, to see the cast of “The Chaser” get a dose of their own medicine too. Indeed, the shoe was on the other foot. They should indeed consider renaming the show, “The Chasee’s War on Everything” — at least while the courts decide their fate.

As far as breeching security is concerned, either someone in charge of the gates doesn’t quite understand what “joke” means, or they mis-interpreted the number of barks emitted by their guide dogs. If they let through something as blatantly suspect as they did, then I’m afraid they’ve only got themselves to blame. But it seems security is everyone’s problem, and everyone is at fault when it falls down. Unfortunately for the NSW Police, it’s done little other than make them look like fools — and their present attacks only make the hole deeper.

If it’s one thing we can learn from this whole experience, it’s this: don’t go hosting such highly sensitive events in the middle of a busy city. Seriously guys, go somewhere rural where you’ll be miles away from any trouble, and you’re not going to be a right pain in the arse to millions of people. Of course, this would just be common sense, and we all know just how common that is these days.